Common Sense is Not All That Common

by Tom Hinton

In his classic book, A World Waiting To Be Born: Civility Rediscovered, the late author Dr. M. Scott Peck, noted that today’s society suffers a serious and disruptive illness -- incivility. Dr. Peck believed our destructive patterns of self-absorption, callousness, manipulativeness, and materialism are so ingrained in our routine behavior that we cannot recognize them. Like Dr. Peck, I believe incivility is fatal to companies, government agencies and politicians who treat people with contempt or indifference.

During the past few weeks, there have been numerous cases of incivility that cause me to wonder how people in important positions can act so callously or dim-witted? Regrettably, the examples of incivility range from President Obama labeling the Cambridge Police Department as “acting stupidly” to sports and, not surprisingly, the whipping boy of consumer dissatisfaction -- the airlines industry.

Unfortunately, for President Obama, his choice of words was less than presidential. To label the Cambridge Police Department for “acting stupidly” before Mr. Obama had all the facts left him open to criticism and derailed his health care reform efforts while his critics crowded the airwaves dissecting his ill-chosen comments. It took a few beers and photos at the White House with Sgt. Crowley and Professor Gates, Jr. to clear the air and get the president out of the Cambridge dog house. It was a tough lesson for Mr. Obama on civility and choosing one’s words more carefully.

Next, consider the bonehead decision by the management of Continental Express to allow 47 passengers to sit for six hours on a deserted tarmac after flying from Houston to Minneapolis -- only to be diverted to Rochester some 90 miles away. After nine hours, the all-night camp-out on Continental Express Flight 2816 took on the smell of soiled baby diapers and a backed-up toilet that was over-used by the stranded passengers in the regional jet. You would think that after JetBlue committed a similar blunder two years ago -- stranding thousands of passengers on planes that sat within spitting distance of the JFK terminal -- that Continental Express would not make the same dumb mistake. What should have been a 2 1/2-hour trip from Houston to Minneapolis became a nightmare for those 47 passengers. It also provides us with a new definition for incivility. After all, what civil-minded person would confine 47 passengers in a foul-smelling airplane without ample food and water for nine hours? It borders on torture let alone stupidity.

But, common sense is not common in the airline industry. Just ask, United Airlines which continues to suffer stock losses and the disdain of consumers who watched guitarist Dave Carroll’s YouTube video saga entitled, United Breaks Guitars. Passengers sitting aboard a plane in Chicago witnessed UAL baggage handlers tossing Carroll’s guitar like a football. When Carroll retrieved his expensive Taylor guitar at his destination, he found it had been broken. Carroll’s efforts to have United Airlines fix his instrument fell on deaf ears for 9 months. So, Carroll wrote the widely popular song, United Breaks Guitars, which has been viewed by 4 million people. Is it simply a coincidence that many stock analysts believe the Mr. Carroll’s United Breaks Guitars sage has cost UAL millions in stock losses? If so, that’s an expensive lesson in civility and disdain for your customers!

Another example of incivility concerns Tiger Woods, who was fined by the PGA Tour for his public criticism of a rules official after winning last week’s Bridgestone Invitational in Akron, Ohio. In this example of incivility and a lack of common sense, Tiger is being unfairly punished by the PGA for criticizing the referee, John Paramour, who told Woods and Padraig Harrington they were being “put on the clock” for slow play at a critical time in the final round of the tournament. At the time, Harrington clung to a slim one-shot lead at the par-5 16th hole. The comment by Mr. Paramour rattled Harrington. Tiger Woods said afterwards said the intrusion by Paramour caused Harrington to rush three difficult shots that led to his devastating triple bogey on the 6th hole. Harrington never recovered and Woods went on to win the tournament by four shots. Woods said he told Harrington after it was over, “I’m sorry that John [Paramour] got in the way of a great battle.” This is why the PGA fined Woods.

While Woods and Harrington lagged behind the players in front of them, their pace seemed steady for a competitive two-man duel. While the PGA will argue that Paramour was within his right to put Woods and Harrington “on the clock,” his timing was terrible and, thus, lacked civility. Even well-intentioned people make bonehead plays that confound common sense.

Finally, I’m sure Dr. Peck would be troubled -- as I am -- by the recent incivility at the various congressional town hall meetings as the merits of a proposed health care reform plan are debated. Certainly, such a sweeping proposal will draw many different ideas, comments and opposing viewpoints. But, in watching the news coverage of these town hall meetings, it is both disgraceful and undignified how so many Americans are conducting themselves. Whatever happened to civil discourse and allowing one person to voice their opinion before an opposing thought is expressed? Instead, I see angry old men yelling and screaming at women and children. For what? If this is political theatre, shame of those who would defame America’s prized ritual of debate. Is this the image of American society we want to project to the world that is watching America discuss health care reform? This is how we earned the distasteful label, “Ugly American.”

It should come as no surprise that many of our children hold politics, politicians, and various television news commentary programs in contempt. In their minds, our generation is not a role model for civility. We are a generation that represents everything negative, spiteful and perverse in American society. We lack common sense, self-respect, and a sense of decency and fairness not only for ourselves but for other nations as well. We have, as Dr. Peck feared, become a discredited society that is self-absorbed, callous, manipulative, and completely consumed with material things.

Can it be that we have become a nation without feelings and emotions? As one college student remarked to me last week, “America has lost its soul. I’m disgusted with all of you.” Frankly, she’s right… I’m disgusted with all of you, too!

About the Author: Thomas Hinton is the author of 10,000 Days: The Secret to Finding Purpose, Peace and Passion for the Rest of Your Life. He is a popular speaker at business and association conferences on the topics of Life Balance and Discovering Your Life Purpose. He can be reached at: tom@tomhinton.com

Answering Life's Most Difficult Questions

by Tom Hinton

At a recent workshop I conducted on The Course of 10,000 Days™, one participant asked me, “What is life’s most difficult question?” This is a topic I’ve been studying and teaching for more than twenty years. As people reach their mid-forties, they begin to ask themselves serious questions about their higher purpose and what it takes to achieve their life goals. Certainly, these questions are more than just a passing phase for aging Baby Boomers.

What I have found is the older we get the more profound the questions become. Eventually, the twin issues of achieving our human potential and living a life worth remembering become a central focus for us. This is one reason why self-help books, personal development courses, and workshops like The Course of 10,000 Days™ have become so popular in recent years. Everybody is searching for answers to life’s most difficult questions.

I’ve concluded there are actually two questions that are the most difficult for people to answer. I say this because it’s important to understand that human beings have two dimensions -- a physical dimension and a spiritual dimension. Thus, there are two most difficult questions to answer -- one for each realm of our existence, physical and spiritual.

To answer the first of life’s most difficult questions, we should start in the physical realm because it is through our physical dimension that our spiritual essence is revealed. From a physical perspective, life’s most difficult question is this: How do I become the person I want to be?

In The Course of 10,000 Days™ we teach people that there are three steps to achieving our human potential and becoming the person we want to be. The first step is Acceptance of Self. In other words, embrace who I am. In the beginning, we were conceived in perfection and born into this world with unique attributes and talents. Our challenge is to discover those talents and develop them. Too many people trudge through life without ever discovering their greatness. Instead, they focus on their limitations and allow their weaknesses to hold them down. The principle of Acceptance of Self gets us out of the rut of self-pity and moves us into action by conducting a thorough self-assessment of our strengths and talents. I have found that once people begin to understand their strengths and explore their talents, they can climb out of the ruts and get on the path to achieving their life goals - one step at a time.

The second step is Life Focus. A good portion of The Course of 10,000 Days™ retreat is devoted to helping people identify their goals and dreams, and then developing a written plan of action to achieve them. During The Course™ retreat, attendees form groups of five-to-six people known as “B-HAGs” (an acronym for Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal-setters). This process includes setting written personal and professional goals as well as weekly conference calls lasting 45-minutes to review each participant’s goals and progress towards their goals. B-HAGs also use visual aids such as Dream Boards and complete a comprehensive 90-day review session with our instructors. In this way, people create a “no-excuse” environment and force themselves to stay focused on achieving their goals. Frankly, it’s hard work to change behavior and achieve our dreams. But, for those who follow the process, I can tell you it is very rewarding!

The third and final step is Good Vibrations. If you listen to the Beach Boys’ classic hit record from 1966, you’ll appreciate the positive, feel good lyrics. It’s no different in real life. I have found that it’s not enough to merely accept one’s self and set goals. Ultimately, you need to change certain behavior that inhibits your progress.

Also, you need to ACT! This is an acronym that translates as follows: “A” is for Accept Your Gifts. We are who we are. Each person has talents and gifts bestowed upon them at birth and developed knowingly or unknowingly over their lifetime. The secret is to discover your gifts and talents. Then, begin to use them to achieve your goals and live your dreams. Incidentally, all gifts and talents are positive and loving. In other words, being a jewel thief or a skilled liar are not gifts. These are abuses of one’s undeveloped talents.

The “C” represents Commit to Your Goals. We all know people who are talented, but for some strange reason they never seem to achieve their dreams or goals. Years ago, I recall meeting a gentleman who had a great idea for a software program to help accountants and others manage their bookkeeping chores. A few years went by and when we met again we revisited our earlier discussion about software programs. By this time, Quicken and other financial accounting software programs had been introduced to the marketplace. He reminded me that he had thought of this concept years ago, but never acted. In other words, he lacked commitment. He was a brilliant person, but he never put his ideas into a formal plan of action and committed himself to doing it. Eventually, that brilliant idea floated away and landed in the lap of another person who reaped the benefits because they were committed.

The “T” in our ACT Formula represents Take Decisive Action. Simply translated, this means that every day you must do something decisive that moves you closer to success. I’ve met dozens of people who tell me they have a great idea for a book. I always respond by saying, “That’s great. Tell me, what are you doing today to make your book idea a reality?” More often than not, the answer is nothing. It may be a great idea, but without decisive action that book will never get written -- at least by that aspiring author! You need to sit down and write a page a day in order to translate your idea into a book.

To generate Good Vibrations in your life, follow the ACT Formula.

It’s hard to focus on our spiritual essence when our physical needs are not being met. This is why The Course of 10,000 Days™ emphasizes the importance of life balance in the three major areas of our physical dimension. They are: Self, Health, and Wealth. Once these needs are identified and your attention is focused on your intentions, you can begin to answer the second of life’s most important questions:

How do I achieve my higher purpose?

As The Course of 10,000 Days™ teaches us, we all have the same higher purpose in this lifetime. But, because we are uniquely different and possess special talents and the gift of free will, we pursue our higher purpose in many different ways. The end result is that some of us discover our higher purpose while others live a life of quiet desperation. Why is that?

The primary reason is analogous to the children’s story of the Three Little Pigs. You cannot build your life on straw principles and muddy routines and expect them to withstand the torrential threat of negativity, disappointment, and hardships. Life requires us to build our physical and spiritual temples of solid brick or stone so that we can overcome the periodic threats and storms that come our way. This means that our principles must be tried and tested. We must believe in ourselves so that we can overcome those moments of doubt when they come along. What The Course of 10,000 Days™ helped me discover was how to build a solid foundation so that I was strong enough to withstand the daily barrage of life’s challenges, negative news, and those unpleasant people who feel compelled to step on my sand castles. The Course™ also taught me how to discover purpose, peace, and passion in my life -- which are the keys to unlocking the gate of your spiritual dimension. Without discovering inner peace and your passion in life, it is impossible to find your higher purpose.

So, after much reflection and discussion, I believe these are life’s most difficult questions. The quest to discovering your higher purpose and then living it can be a rewarding one. But, it will require you to do all the things I’ve shared in this article.

If you’re looking for a positive resource to help you on your journey, I encourage you to consider The Course of 10,000 Days™ and the various programs offered by The 10,000 Days Foundation.

About the Author: Tom Hinton is president of The 10,000 Days Foundation. He is the author of four books including 10,000 Days: The Secret to Finding Purpose, Peace, and Passion for the Rest of Your Life. Tom is also a popular speaker at various conferences and meetings. For more information, please email: tom@tomhinton.com