It seems the faster I peddle the farther behind I get!
The harder I try, the more I fail.
Everything I touch turns to mush.
It never rains, it pours.
Success is always just around the corner.
All the good men are already taken.
I never have enough money!
I hate my job.
My family doesn’t understand me.
Life is all work and no play.
These are just a sampling of the responses people have shared with me during The Course of 10,000 Days retreats when I’ve asked the question, “What keeps you from creating an Attitude of Abundance in your life?”
Most Baby Boomers have been conditioned to think and act the way we do because we were raised in a guilt-ridden culture that repeatedly sent such messages as ‘you are imperfect;’ ‘you are unworthy;’ ‘you need to be realistic;’ and, ‘lower your expectations.’ It should come as no surprise that many people have unintentionally sabotaged their life dreams by giving up on themselves before they’ve even put forth an honest effort to make their dreams a reality.
How can you undo this negative conditioning and create an Attitude of Abundance? Here are three steps we teach during The Course of 10,000 Days retreat to help people transform their lives from mediocrity to one of purpose, peace, and passion.
1. Challenge Your Beliefs and Values. So many of the beliefs and values we learned as impressionable children are negative, limiting, and create a “co-dependent” mindset. As an adult, it’s time you put your beliefs on trial and challenged them. Are they valid? Do they lead you to success in life or do they create barriers for success and make you dependent upon others? Do you believe what you’ve learned because your parents or teachers told you it was so? Or, have you closely examined those beliefs and values in the context of what your goals and aspirations are? I’m talking about the values and beliefs that presently guide and control your life decisions. Let me give you an example.
Marcia is 44 years-old. She is single and works as a marketing representative at a large
As I analyzed Marcia’s current belief system and values, and how she can create an Attitude of Abundance in her life, I concluded that Marcia suffered from two negative beliefs that were limiting her success in life. The first is “Co-dependency.” If Marcia truly believed in herself she would not be dependent on her boss, who needs minions like Marcia in order to exert her abusive authority and play mind games with subordinates. There is no reason for someone to stay in a job when they are not respected. But, in Marcia’s case, she played into the co-dependency games of her boss who took advantage of Marcia’s low self-esteem by holding her back in life.
The second negative belief that inhibited Marcia’s success in life is “Unworthiness.” Marcia mistakenly thought that a college degree is the only standard of success by which she will be judged in life. Certainly, there are some jobs that require a college degree. But, in Marcia’s case, she is a talented marketing representative who gets results. She has a good track record. These are skills that most companies want in an employee regardless of their formal education. But, Marcia had convinced herself that no one would hire her without a college degree. I told Marcia that she would be no worse off if she contacted other law firms, sent them her resume, interviewed with them for a job, and didn’t get hired. In other words, she had everything to gain and nothing to lose by trying.
By appealing to Marcia’s negative belief s and limiting values (“I’ve got nothing to lose by sending out my resume!”), I was able to convince her to send her resume to five law firms that enjoyed excellent reputations as outstanding employers. Within two weeks, two law firms contacted Marcia and interviewed her. The happy ending is that last week Marcia politely quit her job and accepted a new marketing position that now pays her more and gives her more responsibility. Marcia’s self-esteem is higher and she now feels valued. At the same time, Marcia is continuing to work on undoing many of the negative beliefs that inhibit her success. She realizes that it does her no good to change jobs while continuing to carry the same negative beliefs and limiting values that held her back in life. It’s a challenge, but Marcia’s making significant progress.
2. Define Your Own Success in Life. It’s astonishing to talk with people and learn that the reason they never tried to achieve their life dream is because someone told them that it wasn’t possible! Regrettably, the worse offenders are usually those persons we love and respect the most -- our parents, siblings, teachers, relatives, and ministers. Understandably, much of my Baby Boomer generation grew-up with parents who survived the Great Depression in the 1920s and ‘30s. Thus, their beliefs and values were couched in scarcity not abundance. On the other hand, they did give us such wonderful values as generosity and helping others. But, the mindset of scarcity thinking caused many Baby Boomers to needlessly abandon their dreams and aspirations. Instead of pursuing our dreams and goals, many of us conformed to the ways of the silent majority and punched the clock at routine jobs.
During The Course of 10,000 Days retreats, we spend a considerable amount of time helping people redefine their life success plan and reconstruct their dreams. We build dream boards and talk about What If scenarios; and, what it takes to transition from the What Ifs to the What’s Next phase of life? The key is not to merely wish for something you want, but to set forth written action steps to achieve your goals and dreams. As one workshop participant recently told us, “I’ve watched The Secret fifteen times but I’m still not successful.” Well, The Secret is inspiring, but you need to get off the sofa and do something! Achieving success requires us to plan our work and work our plan.
3. Put Your Faith in You. When I grew up, action heroes like Superman, The Lone Ranger, and Davy Crockett inspired me. But, day by day, the harsh reality of life chipped away at my dreams and conditioned me to conform to society’s definition of success. I was told to believe not in myself, but in those institutions and organizations that would prepare me for the real world. It was well-intentioned advice, but not necessarily good advice. During an era of world wars, depressions, and social strife, my parent’s generation had little choice but to trust the views, teachings, and wisdom of their national government, the church, and educational institutions. Today, many of those same institutions have been corrupted and, in many respects, outlived their usefulness.
Our federal government has been engaged in a cunning campaign of lies and deceit for more than forty years in order to perpetuate its own survival and reckless global influence. Americans were misled to believe that war was vital for our national interest; that natural resources were plentiful and the environment was safe; and, the good life was still attainable for the masses as long as we did what the government told us to do. Politicians on both sides of the aisle continue to perpetuate this self-serving campaign of lies and deceit instead of telling citizens the truth. Why? Simply because many of our elected representatives have been corrupted by a system that fosters greed and power instead of putting the interests of its citizens first.
Many of the traditional religions are so scandal-ridden with sex abuse and fraud that they have lost much of their credibility with the Baby Boomer generation and our children. Even our education system is failing its students. Today, students can learn more from the Internet and their PlayStation games than in the classroom. Is it any wonder why kids are so bored in school and opt out?
I am witnessing firsthand the rise of a new and enlightened generation that is directly challenging the status quo. This generation believes the way it is, is not the way is should be in the future. They are bored with institutional learning and they are fed-up with educators who don’t deliver on the promise to make learning fun and inspiring. They’ve are questioning why they need to take mandated subjects if their passion lies elsewhere?
I am also finding that more youths are openly challenging the teachings of certain organizations that espouse such nonsensical beliefs as “Money is bad,” “Rich people are evil,” “You were born with Original Sin so you are imperfect,” and “It’s noble to be poor.” This victimization thinking is wrong; and, it is finally meeting stiff resistance among a new generation that is rejecting the call to conformity and compliance. No longer are a handful of inept leaders at the highest levels of government, religion, and education able to control and squander the dreams of another generation. This new generation is liberated and will go their own way while making decisions based on abundance, not scarcity thinking.
How interesting that the radical movements perpetuated by the Baby Boomers in the 1960s and ‘70s are returning in the guise of a spiritual quest that will allow us to revisit our dreams and create an Attitude of Abundance. Ironically, it is our children who are teaching us well this time around, not our failed institutional leaders who sold our early dreams down the river of hope.
About the Author: Tom Hinton is president of the 10,000 Days Foundation. He is the author of four books including 10,000 Days: Finding Purpose, Peace, and Passion for the Rest of Your Life. Tom is also a popular speaker at various conferences and meetings. For more information email him at tom@tomhinton.com
